chapters (9)
The Sandwich
The moment. You have one piece of hard feedback to give. So you open with praise, slip the criticism into the middle, and close with more praise - the sandwich. They walk out remembering the bread and never tasting the meat.
What most people do
"You're doing great, really - one small thing on the deadlines, but honestly, keep it up, you're crushing it."
Why it misfires. The sandwich is built for the giver's comfort, not the receiver's clarity. Padding the point with praise on both sides teaches people to brace whenever you compliment them, and it lets them file the actual message under "minor." The criticism was the reason you spoke; the sandwich is how you hid it.
The rewrite
"I want to flag one thing: the last two deadlines slipped without a heads-up, and it left the team scrambling. Can we figure out what's getting in the way?"
The move: lead with the one thing, plainly. Say the actual point first, in a sentence, then talk about the fix. Warmth belongs in your tone and in the fact that you cared enough to say it - not in a layer of compliments that muffle the message.
Your turn
"One thing I want to raise: [the specific point]. Here's why it matters: [impact]. What's your read?"
Edge cases. This isn't a licence to be blunt for its own sake. Lead with the point and be kind about it - direct and warm are not opposites. If you have genuine praise, give it its own moment on another day, where it isn't doing a job.
This week. Give one piece of feedback without a compliment on either side. Say the thing, then talk about what to do.